School starts in a few weeks. Your seven-year-old keeps complaining of a stomachache and wants to come home from his favorite soccer day camp. Headaches pop up too, and temper tantrums erupt. You contact the pediatrician and tests reveal no physical problems. You are both relieved and disappointed. Your son is miserable… and so are you.
Children are just as vulnerable to anxiety as adults, but their symptoms may be difficult to detect as they lack a rich emotional vocabulary.
Instead, they may manifest an array of physical symptoms, including pounding heartbeats, body aches and pains, muscle jerks or tics, fatigue, dizziness, weakness, and sleeping problems.
Some anxious kids cry easily and frequently, while others can’t cry at all. Angry lashing out and general irritability are common. Parents often feel as if they are walking on eggshells and may go to great lengths to control the environment so they won’t “set off” their child.
School performance may be compromised and grades can drop because concentration is compromised. Social problems can begin; while some anxious kids withdraw and isolate, others may be jumpy and disruptive. They jump to negative conclusions about their social interactions and create chaos and rejection in their relationships.
In my practice, anxious children are the fastest-growing group. Sometimes an identifiable life event, like a death, divorce or illness, is a trigger. Most parents are aware of this and are more likely to seek counseling for the child. Other events are subtler and may accumulate over time.
There may be activity overload or difficulties at school, both academic and social. Unemployment or changes in a family’s financial status have a great impact on children, as does ongoing, unresolved marital conflict.
Where do you start? If your child is exhibiting a lot of physical problems, your pediatrician is a good first stop. Your doctor is likely to have known you and your child over time and may be one of the best people to put these problems in a context. If counseling is recommended, find a therapist who is comfort able working with children in the appropriate age group.
Play therapy, art therapy and sand-tray therapy work wonders for children and teens. The thing your anxious child needs is to set on a couch and be expected to talk about feelings. Children process their feelings through play and other non-verbal modalities—like drawing, painting or games. Specific relaxation techniques can be taught to you and your child in a child-friendly format.
Connecting body sensations with experiences is a big eye opener for children: “What is your tummy trying to tell you?” “If your head could talk, what would it say?”
Developing soothing rituals at home to help your child unwind and make homework to bedtime needs to become a regularly practiced, stabilizing set of comforting routines.
Over time, you should see gradual improvement in your child’s comfort level, ability to cope with his or her stress monster, and ease in expressing feelings.
If your child’s anxiety level doesn’t get better with time or gets worse, checking with the pediatrician’s office regarding a medication evaluation can be helpful.
Lindsay South has her MA in counselor education/counseling psychology from Western Michigan University and has been in practice since 1988. She treats children ages 5 to 12, adolescents, adults and families, working with issues like attention deficit and hyperactivity, learning disorders, weight and body image, eating disorders, divorce adjustment and trauma.